Living A Lie: The Secret Life Of Sookie
by Princess Twilite
Summary: Sookie's been waiting too. L/S slash.


Title: Living A Lie (The Secret Life Of Sookie)  
  
Author: Princess Twilite (Princesstwilite2@aol.com)  
  
Rating: PG-13, for language.  
  
Summary: Sookie has been waiting too. Sookie/Lorelai slash. Slight Luke/Lorelai.  
  
Spoilers: VERY slight ones for A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving.  
  
Disclaimer: Sookie, Lorelai and Luke are NOT mine. They belong to the people with actual money.  
  
Distribution: I don't know of any GG archives, but if you want it, you can have it tell me and keep the header attached.  
  
Feedback: Wow, you'd be way up there with Marilyn Monroe if you did. I'm talking about post-scandal Marilyn too. When she got REAL interesting.  
  
Flames: I eat them, just like I will eat you for supper if you waste your time.  
  
Warnings: Female/Female slash within, of the Unrequited sort. (Nothing graphic) If you can't handle that, leave now.  
  
A/N: Tell me you're not intrigued. {yes, that's sarcasm ;)} I have that sort of effect on people, they just don't realize it. This is just a little ditty that I've been toying with for a few days [I'm on a writing kick - for now] and decided to give a chance.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Living A Lie (The Secret Life of Sookie) 1/1  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
I've got some things to tell you Lorelai, but I never will.  
  
You just go on talking about your crazy Thanksgiving, I don't even want to mention mine.  
  
I'd like to tell you some things Lorelai, but I never will.  
  
Some things hurt too much to share.  
  
Some things will send you running toward the hill.  
  
Wanna know a secret? Yes, I have them.  
  
There are rules to every game and what IS life, if not the biggest game of all?  
  
Jackson taught me that, you know, that poor guy I'm married to? I drive him up one side and down the other and yet he loves me. Adores me, even. I wish I could say that I feel the same, but life is never that easy. Of course I LOVE him, I did marry him after all, but I love him in a content way.  
  
A *waiting* way.  
  
I've been waiting since the day I was born it seems.  
  
To learn to walk. To go to school. To ride a bike. To not be the fat kid. To have a boyfriend. To graduate from high school. To roast a duck and do it RIGHT. And last, but certainly not least: to have you look at me, just once, and see something beyond the crazy side kick.  
  
Side kick. Bleh. Leaves a bad taste in my mouth.  
  
I only married Jackson because I knew I couldn't have you and I didn't want you to ask me some day why I hadn't never tied the knot, fallen in love, took the plunge.  
  
I've never been very good at lying to you Lorelai, even if my entire existence as your friend IS one. I love you as a friend - but I also love you in the way of lovers before time, twisting their way through gravel- sheets.  
  
I can imagine myself stuttering out these explanations, why over the years I've had a hard time watching you change in front of me. Of how I'd have to leave the room sometimes when you and Max got particularly sticky-sweet. About why I went so crazy over your wedding plans, of how I felt like it was the only way you and I would share that kind of special day.  
  
Hey you, over here, remember me? Stop looking at Luke's ass.  
  
Cute yes, but he's too thin.  
  
Lorelai, you have these lips, you see, that look so red someone might think you got kissed every day. And you don't, I would know if you did because you would tell me and I'd spend the rest of the day pretending that I was bumming depression off of Michel.  
  
That's how that whole stupid 'Sookie hears about a sickness and gets it' thing started.  
  
Good cover, idiot.  
  
Oops. Talking to myself again.  
  
They say loving someone can drive you crazy.  
  
There he goes again, sweeping by with a handful of plates chockfull of underdressed food. Now that's something to sigh over. And hey, big surprise, his eyes aren't on the customers he's serving.  
  
Five guesses who they ARE on.  
  
Poor Luke, I empathize with him much more than I'm comfortable with. After all, I've been waiting here too, month after month. Year after year. The days go by so quickly now, when compared to how long I've pined.  
  
Yes, pined - I really do hate that word. It makes you want to itch yourself, looking for tree sap in on your hands or beneath your bra strap. Maybe that's just me?  
  
No, you'd understand me. You always do.  
  
I'm fairly sure Luke has noticed that I have certain. . . tendencies toward you. He's very watchful of you and when I happen to be around, by default he's watchful of me as well. No one EVER watches me, so sometimes I get a bit careless. Touch your thigh or your hair.  
  
You wear these little skirts on winter days and it drives me crazy. Aren't you cold? Don't you need me to warm you? Just a little bit? Aw, honey - is your mother being mean to you again? You Luke tired Lorelai, how are you Lorelai, hold my hand Lorelai.  
  
How you fail to notice is beyond me.  
  
And Luke, he just gets this dark look on his face, like he knows ALL about me. About what I'd like to be doing when I run my fingers over those blue jean covered limbs. He never says anything, just frowns and pretends not to notice.  
  
He doesn't think I have a chance in hell. Too bad he's probably right.  
  
Luke is the one man that could threaten our relationship. Not that you'd let him downgrade me, but with what he knows and the intensity of what he feels (nearly rivaling my, might I add) - he could slowly but surely, drag you away from me.  
  
I'd never let that happen, everything else aside, you are my very best fried.  
  
And hey, look, your best friend is living a lie. No, don't. I'd rather you not.  
  
If there's one thing I know, it's that you and I are going to grow old together.  
  
One way or another.  
  
I know how to deal with Luke anyway. You were my friend before I fell in love with you and you still ARE. All I have to do is subtly push Luke at you and you'll turn up her knows and walk the other way out of spite.  
  
I should want you to be happy Lorelai and I DO - just, I'd like for you to be happy WITH ME.  
  
Don't you get it? You've been turning over rocks in this state, dating any man that seems worthy enough to drive you down the street without wrapping that pretty head around said rock. None of them will do, none of them suit you. You just get-jiggy-with it on your way out of their doors, leaving behind a trail of hearts longer than the Mississippi.  
  
I don't blame men for following you around like Pavlov dogs.  
  
You've got something, a something that people don't see very often or at least I haven't.  
  
But back to the point - Lorelai, be smart, you don't need a man. Why can't you realize that? None of them have done it for you and there's a reason for that. Underneath all that polish and those slick clothes, you were made for a woman.  
  
This woman.  
  
And hey, you keep coming back to me in the end so maybe I shouldn't be so bitter.  
  
I'll just go on living, having sex with my husband, going wild in the kitchen just so I can grab onto you without getting weird looks - and hey, maybe I'll even sit down with Luke one day and tell him how things are going to be.  
  
But after that I'll just go on living my life as it is.  
  
Lorelai, can you see me?  
  
Lorelai, call me.  
  
Lorelai, I'm the new Pretender.  
  
The next time Luke looks over here at us I'm gonna shove your coffee cup up his ass, skinny or not.  
  
It's like I said: We're gonna grow old together. One way or another.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
The End 1/1  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Okay, I honestly don't believe Sookie has been pining all these years, but I thought it was an interesting concept. Plus, if you look at anything for the right way, it's upside down. 


End file.
